Super Powers

The other day Corbin and I were discussing what super power we’d pick, if we could have one.  He firmly insisted he’d pick being able to fly and I said I’d choose to be invisible.  While those super powers aren’t possible, I’ve recently stumbled upon one that is: x-ray vision.

Frequently people tell me “Jen, you look SO good!”  While this is reassuring, it doesn’t give me an ego boost.  I can also read between the lines, “How is it you look so healthy/normal, yet you have terminal cancer???”

Lately I’ve been having increased pain in my mid-back on the left side, just below my scapula.  I met with my radiation oncologist who was able to pull up my last PET scan and clearly found the big tumor on a rib that is causing the pain.  In meeting with him, I decided to snap the picture below.  That’s my last scan, 3 weeks ago.  With the exception of my heart (the big black spot in the middle), all of the black spots are cancerous tumors.

PETscan

How’s that for Xray vision?  Does it give you a new idea of metastatic breast cancer?

Yesterday my mom and I met with the research oncologist in St. Louis.  There is one clinical trial.  They have to send the tissue sample to Italy (I asked if I could chaperone its trip-denied) and it takes 4-6 weeks to get the results.  And, only 2-5% of patients have the right biological marker to get in the trial.

So, that pathology is being sent off.  And we’re waiting.  Today I learned due human or technologic error, the tissue sample still hasn’t been sent to Indy.  This was supposed to happen a week ago.  Indy claims they requested it last week.  My local cancer center claims they never got the request.  While it’s extremely frustrating, in the end, it doesn’t really matter because the trial requires a 14 day wash out after radiation.  I started radiation today, which will go through Tuesday.  The radiation is palliative, the goal is to control the pain.

So, the rest of June will be spent on a break from chemo, getting back pain under control, and waiting for the results.  Please pray that I qualify for this study in Indy (Door #1 in previous post).

Thank you for all the support, and the special support (you know how you are!).  I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life!

PS–I’m curious, what super power would YOU pick?

xoxo

Jen

Jen

Living legendary as a mom with Stage IV breast cancer. Author of Learning to Live Legendary and What You Might Not Know: My Life as a Stage IV Cancer Patient.

  1. Kris Murray Reply

    The power to heal.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Love that so many people have mentioned healing power!!

  2. Beverly Hartberg Reply

    It came to me in a miili-second: my super power wish – the power to cure all the wonderful, strong, brave, courageous, and beautiful people I know who are fighting cancer!

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      That’s a great one, Beverly!

  3. KELLI Reply

    THE POWER TO HEAL

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Heal all types of things, right, Kelli?

  4. Katherine OBrien (@ihatebreastcanc) Reply

    Just want to say I am thinking of you and hoping you are match for the trial. I never thought about a super power…I would like to be like Stretch Armstrong/Plastic Man. I would take yoga classes just to show off!

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      That would be impressive! My #2 would be the ability to teleport myself 🙂

  5. Meghan S Reply

    What a picture. It gives me a better understanding of what this means.

    I would like to have the power to mend anything broken. Bodies, hearts, furniture, cars, all the way down to the holes in the knees of my son’s pants.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Yeah, that saying about a picture being 1000 words, right?

  6. Sarah Schultz Reply

    After spending the week in the stupid waiting room, and now getting a taste of what you have been experiencing for weeks now…. you’re super power is the mere fact you can put two words together!!! Lordy, what a ride you have been on. I think I almost want the super power to fast forward past these hard parts. I know that means I “miss” some of that precious time, but sometimes I JUST want to get to the answer part!! Love you dear girl. Your book is fabulous, YOU are fabulous. Hugs and love.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Oh, Sarah, right there in the waiting room with you! And, you’re right, it is a super power that I can think at this point because my brain is overloaded with clinical trial info. I’d love to be able to fast forward through the hard parts, but then worry that I’d reach the end without ever slowing down. You are fabulous and need to start writing your book–I’ll be first in line to buy!

  7. Stacey smith Reply

    I’d be invincible! I’d also like super healing powers and super human intelligence, I’d find that damn cure and save us all. I’m praying that you arebeligible for the Indy trial, and that there is a future for you with Mabel, and then possibly Ned. Hang in there, girl, and thanks for your blog, your raw honesty and courage, and most of all for being you.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      I was hoping that invisible meant cancer couldn’t find me, but I like invincible better! 😉

  8. Molly Reply

    You know what I’d wish for! Xoxo

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      You bet, me too!!

  9. Gisela Reply

    Praying that everything works out for you Jen! All my Best!

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Thanks, Gisela!

  10. Genevieve Reply

    Jen, I will be lifting up your prayer requests. Just today, I told a friend that one my mantras is that “healing is possible” and it is. The power to heal is definitely a super-power and a real power at the same time. Keep going friend, healing is possible.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Thanks, Genevieve! I’ve been thinking about our little group from Chicago. Love that mantra, going to try and incorporate it into my jumbled thoughts

  11. Kate, of Kate Has Cancer Reply

    I too wish for the power to heal. You are in my prayers, Jen. I suspect my scan would look very similar to yours, mine are just stable for now. Fingers crossed for the clinical trial.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Yes, the power to heal…all of us!

  12. Diana Reply

    Love you friend! I wouldn’t pick a superpower- leave those to God. He is superpowerful enough for me. I am praying so hard for you sweet friend….and as always, I am in awe and deepest admiration of your faith, love and zest for life despite the emotional and physical pain you endure. Xoxoxo Di

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Dianna, you are brilliant! Although I’d love to be able to teleport myself–instant vacation!!! xoxo

  13. Carol Reply

    Ok, I don’t know you, but I would pick Rubber Man to be able to stretch and give you a big hug…please have faith…maybe you should call my mom…35 years after she was given 3 months she is still hear to talk to…message me and I will give you her number….You have the attitude…you need to hear her story….sending hugs….

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Thanks, Carol. There are so many unique features of all types of cancer. When I’m able to personally remove myself from the situation, I find it fascinating how our bodies can turn on ourselves. Glad that your mother did well!

  14. Teresa Majers Reply

    I would wish for the power to cure all cancers and the power to gain world peace. Until I gain such powers, I pray every day that you will have more time with Corbin and that you will qualify for the perfect clinical trial to stop the progression until a cure is found. I also pray that the human and technical errors STOP! Thank you for sharing the images, Jen. This was the first time I have ever looked at a PET scan. It was painful to see, but certainly helps us to see the physical terror your body is going through.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Thanks, Teresa. I would hope for healing in many areas, including the patients you work with. So grateful for your help with Corbin, he is so amazing and I’m so lucky to be his mom!

  15. Phae Reply

    Jen, I continue to pray for you! You really are the strongest person I know…I know sometimes you probably don’t feel like you are, but you really are! I want so much for your cancer to vanish…maybe that’s the super power I want…to be able to make bad things (first, and foremost cancer!) VANISH!!

  16. Dale Carroll Coleman Reply

    Jen, Healing, because everyone needs it. You are an inspiration to me! I imagine this is not the inspiration you would have chosen… but when I see you, I see a woman who lives each day to the fullest. Many people live long years… without ever really living.
    I pray God’s miraculous healing on you today…. and each day.
    I shared this post with my surgeon husband who reminded me that he sees God’s miracles everyday through His (God’s) healing hand and modern medicine.
    Thank you for living legendary and showing us how to live. Your gift of written word are invaluable and something I look forward to reading more of.
    Blessings and prayers sent to you today, and everyday.

  17. Chris Dietrich Reply

    Power to heal and provide support or friendship to people in need. I am new to your site and a friend to Ellen Hall. You are in my morning, noon, and night prayers.

  18. Sarah Reply

    Jen, I was to be in your small group in my first year in JL in CU. I can see, whilst our group leader was good that year, we missed out on on amazing young lady! I have been following your journey since learning of our ‘new small group leader’ and cannot believe the attitude you continue to have! You inspire me often! Superpower, I would like to heal the sadness people feel at a loss, (loss of health, life, whatever it might be)….while I realize sadness and imperfection help us grow and learn ….it still sucks to be sad about ANYTHING!

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Sarah, what a great super power! Many have commented on a healing power and your comment goes along with those. What a great power to have!

  19. Megan Frank Reply

    Jen- I just wanted to tell you I love you! I wish I could be there in person to give you a big hug. Lots of love and prayers for you. Miss you, friend! xoxo

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      Oh, Meg, miss you too! I can’t believe how big our babies are now!!! Give your girls a hug from us!

  20. Dana Reply

    My super power would be the ability to lift all worry,anxiety and fear. This world can be painful and the worry can be debilitating. I want the ability to put my loved ones mind at ease.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      What a great super power, Dana. As you can imagine, all this waiting has created plenty of worry, anxiety and fear. Thanks for sharing!

  21. Tammi Clifton Reply

    To be able to end all of the suffering in the world! Or, like you said, Jen, being Invisible! Being invisible is what we all end up being anyway— just pure loving energy! No illness, pain or suffering–just pure Bliss in the Light! Psychologists teach children about dying by taking a glass of water and allowing the child to see that it will evaporate into the air. Then perhaps I can help everyone who has battled this demon called cancer, like we have, and cure all illnesses, hunger and homelessness in the world!
    Love and Prayers for you and Corbin every night from my Mom, Linda, and Me!! xoxo

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      I figured if I was invisible, then cancer couldn’t “find” me. But being able to teleport myself is a very close 2nd!! 😉

  22. Katelyn Shamhart Reply

    I read, pray, and think of you every day Jen. You have helped me realize my super power, loving and living the best I can every single day. There is no better power and healer then love. And we all know the feeling of regret is a strong one. Going through life knowing you wouldn’t change a single thing is so empowering and something we all need to think about. Bear hugs from the three of us.

    • Jen
      Jen Reply

      You also have the incredible super power of teaching! And I bet your students feel your love as well.

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