Devastation. In my 4 1/2 years in cancerland, today ranks in the top three. The original diagnosis in September 2007, then the recurrence and mets to the bones in October 2008. And today’s result showing major progression. There are new bone lesions in my spine, a lesion in my liver, and fluid around one lung. The incredibly ironic thing is that I look “healthy.” I’ve even had the energy and desire to work out and run. I don’t have any symptoms to match the grim report; it’s just “luck” that the scan was scheduled before I have symptoms. Although the last scan showed the lymph node shrunk in half, this scan showed it was stable even though I had major progression in other bones and to my liver.
These last 3 weeks have been very difficult…I’ve lost 3 friends in 3 weeks, all from breast cancer. All under the age of 45 (I’m 35). All who walked this same path. And if one more person tells me to be “strong” or “brave” or “fight” I’m going to punch them in the face. My 3 beautiful, amazing friends were strong and brave and did everything possible to overcome this damn disease and it didn’t happen. Please stop for a moment and understand the sheer magnitude of this disease. There isn’t a cure. Science hasn’t outsmarted breast cancer and found a cure for all women.
What happens next? We’re trying a double anti-hormonal (Aromisin and Faslodex) and searching for clinical trials.
I feel the outpouring of love, and I know if love could save me, I’d be invincible.